Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
