Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
