Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
