god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
