there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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