Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
please come you make the beer taste better
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
