There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
false alarm, still single
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
