Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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