Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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