mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
