Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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