I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
