just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He passed out mid-signature
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
