I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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