YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
