Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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