i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
