My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
