Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
