did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
