i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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