Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
