Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
