I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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