I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
