Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
