Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
