me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
