I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
