I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
