You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I could make wine with my vomit
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
