Whod you bang
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
