yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
