Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
