shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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