It was confusing and full of hummus
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
