Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
