I met the friendliest cop last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
