There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
