when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
