were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
