you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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