Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
