I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
