just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
