Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
