We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
