Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
