i'm lost and i look like a hooker
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
