glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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